Better that we break
by psycho-pink-faerie
Summary: Title changed. Previously Here we fall, here we break. Along with the much of the first chapter for reasons detailed in the author note. Please read. When Sara leaves Vegas, Cath begins to self destruct. Who will be there to catch her when she falls?


**Hey guys**

**I think I should explain why I removed the original 1st chapter of this fic from the site. It's recently come to light that Amy (Csifanatic42) who I co-wrote the chapter with, didn't strictly write her section. She used dialogue from another fanfic, which is unacceptable. Therefore I'm now writing this fic solo. I've changed everything which appear to be copied, and am reposting the fic as my own writing. **

**My apologies to scubysnak (who wrote the original fiction, A flirtation with Fire (Law & Order: SVU). If I'd known before I wouldn't have posted it. So I'm sorry.**

**Anyways, I hope you like what I've written, and that you don't think it is in any way, copied because anything I write is my own work. **

**Please read, and hopefully leave a review. I have big ideas for this fic and it'll probably end up being a 20+ chapter job now.**

**Thank you.**

**Leanne =]**

**

* * *

**

**Disclaimer: I don't own CSI, obviously. Or any of it's characters (If only). Property of CBS and Jerry Bruckheimer. The title of this fic is inspired by the Marroon 5 song - Better that we break.**

**

* * *

**

**Better that we break**

**Chapter One**

"I can't believe you're getting so worked up about it Cath, it was just dinner!" Sara said stubbornly, folding her arms across her chest.

"Yeah, dinner with your ex-boyfriend, _Sara_." Catherine snapped back, mimicking her tone.

"Grissom's my friend, I'm not gonna apologise for that." Sara stood her ground.

"I'm not asking for an apology, I just wanna know why you picked him over me." She was aware that she sounded like one of her many jealous ex's but she couldn't help it. Catherine had been in that situation before, and was determined not to revisit it with Sara.

"I didn't."

"Then why did you turn down my dinner invitation?" The strawberry blonde glared at her.

"Because I was busy working."

"But you weren't too busy to go out to dinner with Grissom? And to a place you knew I wanted to take you to?

" I was working. Our case led us there, it wasn't ideal but it was convenient so we used dinner as an opportunity to check out the place." Sara explained.

"So if that's all it was why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I knew you'd react like this,"

"What do you expect me to be like?" Catherine said angrily.

"I expected you to trust me a little more," Sara said, hurt. She turned away from her. "We've been together eight months, doesn't that mean anything to you?" Catherine didn't answer. "I don't think I can do this anymore."

"What?" Catherine didn't think she'd heard her right.

"I said, I can't do this anymore Catherine," Sara gave the other woman a sad half smile. "Us… we've reached the end of the road, and if you look… you'll see it too."

"So you-, you're leaving me?"

Momentarily closing her eyes, the brunette nodded. "I have to," she told her. "I'm sorry," she moved towards Catherine, reaching out to touch her arm.

"No… don't…" Catherine jerked away from her. "Don't say things you don't mean Sara."

"But I do mean it, I'm sorry I'm hurting you."

"Then why are you leaving me?" Catherine made no effort to hide her tears.

"Because I love you too much to keep dating you and watch this destroy us, as a couple, and as people in our own right." Sara bit her lip to stop herself from crying.

"That won't happen Sara, I promise, I won't let it." Catherine spoke, choking on the words.

"Don't make promises you can't keep Cath," Sara hesitated. "It's already started – you used to trust me implicitly."

"I still do," the older woman protested.

Sara shook her head. "You thought I was seeing Grissom again."

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to Catherine, it was written all over your face." She said. "This is just the start. It'll get to a point where all our relationship is based on is hurt and anger, when we're in so far we can't get out, I can't do that to you." She was speaking from experience, which made it all the harder. "It's over." Tears formed in Sara's eyes but she refused to give into them.

"I love you," Catherine sobbed.

"Please… don't… don't make this harder than it is, I'm doing this for us." Sara pleaded. "Please understand that."

"Isn't there anything I can say to change your mind?" Catherine begged.

"I think you know there isn't," Sara told her. "It's better this way for us, and in a few months you'll see that." She left Catherine standing there, tears rolling down her cheeks, and went up to the room they shared to pack her suitcase.

* * *

It was four days since Sara had ended their relationship and she had just worked her last shift at the crime lab. No one knew she was leaving with the exception of Grissom. The brunette looked in the window to his office, smiling as she saw him, head down at his desk. Some things never changed. If she hadn't known him any better, she'd have thought he was doing paperwork, but as it was she knew he was probably puzzling over the days' crossword. Knocking on the open door, she leaned casually against the doorframe. "Hey Gris," she flashed him one of her trademark gap toothed grins.

Gil Grissom looked up from his puzzle, "Hey," he answered back, bestowing a small smile on his favourite CSI. "Come in."

Sara stepped inside the room, shutting the door with a quiet click, behind her. She sat down in one of the chairs opposite him. "I came to say goodbye." She pushed her badge, which she'd been holding in her right hand, across the desk towards him.

"No chance of you changing your mind then?" He eyed her over the rim of his glasses.

Sara tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "It's too late for that," she answered, "I can't stay here, not after everything."

"I'm sorry if I complicated things for you and Catherine." Grissom apologised.

Sara shook her head. "Don't blame yourself, Cath and I… we'd been rocky for a while now," she paused, willing herself not to cry – the truth of those words, hurting her more than she could ever have imagined. "I guess this was just the final nail in the coffin." She smiled humourlessly. They sat there in a companiable silence for a few moments, "I should go," Sara said finally.

They both stood up and walked towards the door, "It's been a pleasure having you as part of my team," Grissom told her.

Sara grinned, "Well what can I say, I've learnt from the best." He looked uncomfortable at the praise, so she changed the subject. "Thanks for everything Gil," she ran a hand down his cheek in an affectionate gesture. But they both knew there was nothing in it – contrary to what Catherine thought – not anymore.

"Sara," she turned to face him, "If you ever need anything, you know where I am right?"

She nodded, "Thanks," there was a pause. "Actually there is something you can do for me."

"Name it?"

"Take care of Catherine for me, _please…_ she's special to me, she always will be. I wanna know she's being cared for… that she's happy." Sara turned away from him, knowing that if she looked at him, he'd see the tears threatening to overspill.

Grissom touched her gently on the shoulder. "Of course I will…" He reassured her. "One more thing Sara… You've always got a place in my team here, okay?"

Sara's eyes filled with tears, which she tried to hide from him. "I appreciate it," She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, before wrapping him in a friendly hug. "Try and keep in touch this time, yeah?" She tried to lighten the mood. "Bye Grissom."

"Goodbye Sara," He gave her a gentle squeeze before letting her go. She turned and walked out of the office, as he sat back down, picking up the pen and resuming his crossword puzzle.

"Oh and Grissom?" He looked up, seeing Sara walk back towards him. She pointed at the crossword. "14 across, introvert." And with that she exited the room, leaving him smiling to himself and wondering how he'd missed such a simple clue.

* * *

Catherine drove home that day feeling completely drained, as she had for the past three days. Her break up with Sara had hit her harder than she pretended. She now knew she'd made a mistake in letting Sara go, but it was too late to change her mind. Her pride wouldn't let her. She parked the car neatly in her drive, got out, unlocked the front door and stepped inside her apartment. "Lindz, honey, I'm home," she called, running a hand through her strawberry blonde tresses. She received no reply. "Lindsey!" Frowning, she pushed open the door to the lounge to find her daughter laying across the sofa, reading a magazine and listening to her iPod.

Catherine smiled, for the first time that day, leaning over the back of the couch and pulling the headphones out of her ears. Lindsey grinned up at her. "Hey mom…how was work?"

Catherine sat down on the sofa, momentarily closing her eyes. "Exhausting," she gave her a tired smile. "And how was your day sweetie?"

The teenager gave a non-committal shrug. "Okay I guess." Catherine smiled; Lindsey was at the age where she was a girl of few words, but she knew her daughter would talk to her if anything were bothering her, so she wasn't worried. She leaned over and gave her a hug.

"What's that?" Catherine asked, out of the corner of her eye, spotting a brown envelope on the coffee table.

Lindsey shook her head. "How should I know? It was on the doormat when I got home… it's addressed to you. I think it's from Sara." Her voice was barely audible and it was clear that she still blamed Sara for the break up.

Curiously Catherine walked over and picked it up the envelope read plainly, _'Catherine'. _She recognised the handwriting as Sara's – as Lindsey had said – almost at once. Tearing the envelope open, two sheets of paper fluttered out onto the table. She picked them up, and noticed on one of them, there were two words written, 'For Lindsey.' "Lindz, honey," she held out the letter. "It's for you, from Sara."

For a moment her daughter just stared at it, before taking it from her and ripping it in half, and then in half again. She tossed it into the waste bin, next to the sofa. "I'm gonna go to my room," she told her, her voice subdued. Catherine nodded. Their break up had been hard on Lindsey, just as much as it had on her.

As her daughter disappeared, Catherine put the letter for her, into her jacket pocket to read later, reached into the bin and pulled out the four pieces of the letter, taping it back together. Laying it out on the coffee table she began to read.

_Lindsey, _

_I know you're probably angry at me right now and I understand that. But your mom and me aren't right for each other. We don't make each other happy anymore, so it's better this way for everyone. Your mom is an amazing person, and she deserves more than I can give her. I'm going away on vacation – I just need a break to sort myself out. I'm sorry that I've upset you and I hope that one day you'll understand why I had to leave. If you ever want/need to talk, call me on my cell phone. (9947-543-12). Be good for your mom. No getting into trouble missy._

_Love Sara x_

Catherine's eyes filled with tears, but she didn't cry. She ran her fingers over Sara's signature. "Mom?" Lindsey spoke quietly from behind her. It was clear she'd been crying.

The blonde gave her a knowing smile, turning and holding the repaired letter out to her. "Here…"

Lindsey took it from her, "how did you –?"

"It's a mom thing," Catherine grinned pulling her younger counterpart into a hug. "I figured you'd want to read it."

"Thanks mom," the teenager answered, cuddling up to her, "I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologise," Catherine said, going over to the sofa and pulling her daughter on to her lap – even though she'd grown out of that a few years ago. "It's okay to cry sweetie, I have been."

Lindsey's eyes welled up, "I just miss her mom." She said, tears sliding down her cheeks.

"So do I," Catherine admitted, her own eyes misting over. "I miss her like crazy." She squeezed Lindsey gently. "But we'll be okay though, just you and me."

"I love you Mom," her daughter looked up at her.

Catherine wiped away a few stray tears on her daughter's cheek, "I love you too Lindz."

* * *

**Review? Please?**


End file.
